There’s no heartbreak quite like when you’re seventeen and you’ve realized someone could love you and then not love you. Just like that. No more love for you.
Wonder if it will ever hurt this bad again. Realize that it does but in more subtle ways. Heartbreak becomes a more controlled insanity in your twenties, a manageable illness.
Sometimes you almost miss the way it felt to get your heart broken for the first time by a boy. But not really. Not really at all."
You want to find a way to keep living. Not that I have any idea—every year that passes I’m so much less certain about what’s going to happen when I’m dead.
I mean, I’ve spent so much of my life fearing that I would be trapped in some kind of mediocre, suburban fucking boring typical life. I’ve been so afraid of that, like, “God, that would be the worst thing.”
But then, on the other hand, you start thinking about there’s a fucking reason most people choose that. It’s kind of like, that’s almost the natural course. I mean, not the modern stuff—not the sub-divisions and the data-entry jobs—that stuff’s just poison. That shit’s just sad.
But the other part, the making a family and creating this thing that’s part of you, but is also gives meaning to your life and makes you selfless and makes you want to work, makes you dedicate your life to this cause that’s no longer your whims and your wants or whatever. It’s just the way it is. If there’s anything I dream about, it’s that. But then at the same time I’m fucking terrified of it. And if I ever was given the opportunity to have it, I’m sure I would squander it."
aren’t just my poems.
I found you in my grocery list
when I bought your favorite kind of beer
and I found you in my car radio
when the song you always hum came on.
I find you in between my movie collection
and on the shelves near my books.
I even found you when I decided to wear
that button up and sweater combination
that you thought I looked cute in.
But I’m always surprised to find you
in bed, sleepy eyed, soft voiced,
and still finding me to be the best
to share the pillow with."